I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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