Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
