Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
