sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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