i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish you could order shots online.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
