I cockslap morals
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I AM VODKA MAN
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
