I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar