I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize