Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude