Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...