You can't special order awesome
Small penises have feelings too.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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