so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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