Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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