I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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