its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
