I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
