So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
