Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
