Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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