I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
