my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
