youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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