I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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