he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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