I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
