At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So much rum. So many feels.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
