I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
