It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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