They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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