its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
