Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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