I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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