So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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