Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
