i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
