It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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