How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
