He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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