our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
