We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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