Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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