I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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