Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
