he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
