im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
