were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
