dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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