It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize