Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
