i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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