Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize