Pants 0. Shit 1.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
