I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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