RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
