Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
