im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
