Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
