If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
