I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
