I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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