member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
