Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
