Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
