i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wear drunk well.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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