it was like his penis was on wheels.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
