yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
