Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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