my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm both gender and math confused
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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