It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
