id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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