She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
