If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
