im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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