Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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