I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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