I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
